|
| My heart is torn with doing what my heart says and what my mind thinks is best. Ignorance is bliss but when you become aware of your worst nightmares there is no sleeping. I dont know where to go from here, I'm bleeding and there is no sign of it stopping. Death to my insides, interaling bleeding and since its going to go unnoticed I will shortly die I dont want to live a life where I am never happy or I only smile because I have forced myself to. Im crushed , Im black and blue and I can't catch a break. What the hell... ugh! | | |
| I have been working so much and I am curious if I should be working at the Kennel any longer. He kids are rude... i dont do anything improtant... and it just seems like i have to drag myself through the day.. ugh... I am ready to go home already. | | |
| I am beginning to get to the end of my pittiful rope. I have been teaching the same three kids for months and months.... and yes months and it amazes me that day after day of me yelling at them they still dont listen. What is more aggrevating is that their mother will leave them here wih me and then no one listen and the 15 year old daughter decides she is the boss . I need the money but I am getting pissed off. | | |
| What do you do when trust is broken... what do you do when honesty was broken... Can you rebuild those two things. At first i thought that you could, however, when both are broken I have come to see its almost impossible to regain the place you once had. I can't believe what was said and I can't trust my earlier conculsions and facts about this person. Now its becomes the task of the person to prove that they are sincere and honest and upright and a good person.... a moral person ... someone with character. Most of the time when this person isn't around to be watched and observed I think of what they did to break my trust and shatter the image I once had and then doubt inevitibly follows. I hate the questions. What are they really doing? Where is.... why is .... when will.... I hate it i just hate it.....
How do I make them stop.... i need them to stop.... | | |
| I really am lost. Most days it would seem that the more i try the harder I fail. Which is really quite frustrating, day in and day out to try and be more do more and it really never comes together for me. I need to figure somethings out and the funny thing is no one has the effing answers to them. I feel cheap and used and thats silly but when i get denied thats how i feel. Where do I get off... do i think that I am owed something special ... no... but i still try and it seems like a waste of effing time. That's because it is... it's not what is important in life. But somehow i miss what is and i get caught up in what i want. And what i need.... my past has ruinied it for the people around me because it was never about how i felt or what I wanted and now I seem to be pushing what i want and what i need on James so that he will fix it. But he can't only God can.... but I dont know why he hasn't yet. Prolly because I won't let him..... I hate when I get in my own way...
| | |
|
